next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
