Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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