If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
