she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
