It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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