how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
