Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
