Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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