$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
