he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You were trust falling into bushes
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
