I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
