Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
