last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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