I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
