I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
