yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
