so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
