I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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