Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
