One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
