I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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