he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
