im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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