I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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