I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
