I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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