Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
