Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
