the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
