note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
