It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
