Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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