Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
