My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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