i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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