Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
