I want you more than these girls want KFC
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
