ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
