My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
