Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
this boner is exhausting
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
