Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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