Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
