she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
