we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
