I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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