me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
