No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
