god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
