Pregnant stripper...not hot.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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