His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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